This too has taken quite some time to come, the third ‘philosopher’s’ notes, just as the second did. Having a diverse set of knowledgeable and intelligent friends has contributed in putting this together.
The language of love
A good childhood friend, now with a mission to spread happiness (www.lovingsilence.org) shared with me key elements of a happy relationship. One of the most important ideas was ones ability to understand your loved ones mode of expressing love and affection.
People express their affection in the following five ways, but each one has one or two of these as the preferred way.
• With words of affection
• By spending quality time
• With affectionate touch
• With gifts and presents
• By acts of service
Interestingly while getting to know each other one tends to express affection in all the five ways and as one settles in the relationship the preferred ways come to fore and in absence of clear understanding of the above one feels reduced affection and love.
So go ahead and figure out what is your loved one’s preferred way of expressing love, and you will know that love has not changed a wee bit.
Why marrying within your caste made sense, but doesn't any more.
In any marriage compatibility of the people involved is paramount and also important is the woman's ability to adjust and adapt to the new set up she moves into (given our current social norms/patriarchal society).
Caste often determined ones social mores, values and ideas about life and things in life - education, money, religion etc given that caste at one point was the basis of profession and social standing. Therefore for a successful union of two people one stuck to choosing within the same caste because it was most compatible, least disruptive for the woman. It basically made sense.
However in the current times when you live a metropolitan life you tend to rise about the original caste norms customs and views. One tends to be more independent and individualistic, forming independent ideas of life. Given that everyone lives in the same environment one has similar factors helping influencing the formation of these ideas. To desire compatibility in marriage only with people of the same caste seems illogical, and just doesn't make sense.
How bullying is often confused with shrewdness
It is extremely easy (if your conscience doesn’t come in the way) to cheat someone who is a) poor and uneducated or is b) a member of the family.
When you cheat someone who is poor and uneducated, you cheat basis your ability to bully him or rather his inability to get back at you. This is extremely easy to achieve. This is often assumed to be your smartness or shrewdness.
When you cheat someone from your family, you are doing it when they least expect it. You have used the emotional comfort to make them naïve or in other words you have emotionally bullied them. The reprimand for this rarely more than a heated exchange of words (which gets forgotten soon enough)
So if you are really intelligent, smart and hence possibly shrewd, go out there and fight your own size and don’t bully the weak.
